cool cat

Saturday, October 30, 2004

hey thanks guys for the comments. I feel alot better than I did the other day.

Altho now I start to think of other things and it makes me depressed.
It's just so lonely being HERE. Off hand I consider people my friends, but deep down I don't. And yes I do sport and lots of activities, with lots of people to meet right? Well i do meet them, get aqainted with them. we do acknowledge each other and are friendly, but out of school we don't hang out. Or there are people that I thought were really great and once I get to know them, know I can't confide in them. Just a warning bell. I feel like I am always the listener. I listen to their "problems" (I like him, but i like this other guy...blah blah or my mommy won't let me go to the party and I wanna go b/c I wanna get drunk and black out....blah blah blah) and then when it comes to talking about me...well it doesn't, they've already moved on to a friend with the same stupid problems who likes to do the same stupid things. And I get left behind and thats the end of a "friendship"
And there are people who I think are really cool, who I have fun hanging out in school with, but they have alot of friends already and I am just one on the board that doesn't have seniority with them....

So I can't wait till college. For the first time, I will be going to a new school WITH a best friend. I won't all alone, I won't have to sift through cliques of people who have known each other since kindegarden. It is always easier to make friends and not be as shy when I already have a close friend with me. So i guess that is all i am looking forward to now.

I can't think about the boyfriend thing now I guess. It is depressing me now. I can't stand when I am with my sister and she will always ask me "got a boyfriend" and I will always be "what do you think?!?!". She thinks that i have one but am lying. GOD I wish!

I wish you guys weren't so far away..:(. Carla, you are the only one in the States and still far.... everyone else is on an island or a far away country...

out.

*~*Felicia*~*
10:49 AM |

Made by my sis, Carla. Thanks girlie!!

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

You know what i feel? I feel sick. And yes I am physically sick with a sore throat and cold, but I am not talking about physically. I'm talking about mentally. I am mentally sick of everyone. I'm sick of my "so-called" friends that I have in Hicksville. I'm sick of being blown off. Have I done anything wrong?

I mean, what the fuckin hell is wrong with me? Is my nose to big, my eyes to close together? Do I have looser writen on my damn forehead? DO I say too many stupid things and laugh at the wrong things?

I just feel like giving up. I'm just so sick and tired. I hate everyone here. I hate it here. I have no desire to keep in contact with ANYone when I am gone , they can kiss my ass. I'm sick of caring, sick of laughing at their jokes. Sick of hearing my"so called" friends makeing damn racist comment .

I HATE my life. I HATE IT. I do nothing, i have nothing going for me.everythings stupid. How come I meet great people on the internet, but have no friends nearby? How come I don't even have a boyfriend! I mean, no one is interested in me. I get so sick of seeing people making out in the halls and girls who I consider scum of the earth with boyfriends and it makes me want ot SCREAM!!!!!!.
MY ONLY best friend lives in another state. WTF. so my high school life has been best friendless. Everytime I make a great friend, I find out what a backstabber or fake they are. I can only take so damn much.
I know I am feeling sorry for myself, but damn it, give me a break. If you had no friends and were ugly and could do nothing right, you'd feel like hell too.

God I am just so sick of this.

*~*Felicia*~*
8:00 PM |

Made by my sis, Carla. Thanks girlie!!

Friday, October 01, 2004

happy belated birthday Magie!!!!(it was on the 29th) Glad you had a sweet birthday!!

sitting in Western Civ again. Lordy, this class is soooo boring. I was meaning to blog monday, but this girl sat at MY computer and I had to sit at one that wouldn;t work and had to just sit there and listen.

Sunday I joined the Church Choir. I had to get up earlier because they practice before sunday school. Later that day I went to the church picnic on the mtn. It has been a long time since I had been there, so I didn't realize how far up the picnic area was. I had to leave early b/c my mom was making me wash that car no matter how late i was and it was getting cold and i didn't want to be in water while it was freezing. my mom is such a prick. It may be MY car, NOT hers, but she can still be a butt in making me wash it, which it is none of her business if i don't, she didn't pay for it or anything but whatever, she is such a neat clean freak...

Also this week, on wednesday, was college day at the community college. Colleges from all around NC sent representatives to the community college. I don't plan on going to college in NC, but I stopped by and got information from The Art Insitute, Johnson and Wales, and this other one (can't remember the name). I either want to major in business or Graphic Design or Fashion Advertising, but it might end up just being business.
anyway... seniors could miss 1st period and had to be at the CC at 9am. but of course our marvelous (gag) guidance counselor was late. after 20 mins she finally was there and set up so we signed in. We only needed to talk to 3 college representatives and leave so Misty and I went around and then we left.
Seniors didn't have to be back till3rd period, so i went home b/c my Beta club fundraiser catalog was due that day and i needed my parents and grnadma to buy something. After a while, my grandma bought 10 items, mom 4, dad 1, and me 1. I got my goal of 16. I needed 8 items for a free Stole for graduation, 10 for free jewlery, and 16 for a free beta club tshirt. soo woo, got it all.
Did anyone see the new show LOST wednesday. I am hooked on that show on abc, where the plane crashed and they are on this strange island and it is a really good show. I am loving JOEY also. I miss friends, but this show is so funny also. i AM addicted to sooo any shows. it is Tivos fault, I tell you! lol. I watch all the prime time shows and from anything to Renovate my family shows and Joey to The Real World and One Tree Hill..*kisses my precioussss Tivo)
Did I tell you how boring my teacher is? he is going over a map we need t know that I have long filled out and he pushed back the test which i want to get over with. And i have this net semester also, argh!!

okay, i think i am gonna go to multiply or the cove...*cough* coco cabana...

*~*Felicia*~*
8:03 AM |

Made by my sis, Carla. Thanks girlie!!